Funny Sayings

A collection of Funny Sayings and "Not So Wise" Sayings for you to enjoy.

Also visit our Math Trivia page for arithmetic riddles, geometry riddles, statistics riddles, calculus riddles etc.

Light a man a fire and you keep him warm for a day. Light a man on fire and you keep him warm for the rest of his life.

Teach a man to fish and you’ll feed him for the rest of his life. Teach a man to phish and he’ll clean out your bank account.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile away and you’ll have their shoes.

Nobody is perfect
I am a nobody.
Therefore, I am perfect.

We never see ourselves as the world sees us because love is blind.

When life gives you lemons, you’d better wait for it to give you some sugar first or else you’ll have some really nasty-tasting lemonade.

Optimists think the glass is half full. Pessimists think the glass is half empty. Realists know that someone will have to wash the glass.

If life is a box of chocolates, death must be a peanut allergy.

When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you’re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for. Unless it’s death by meteor.

If life is a bowl of cherries, why am I stuck with the pits?

Never forget a friend, especially those who owe you.

Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.

The 50-50-90 rule – Any time you have a 50:50 chance of getting something right, there is a 90% chance you’ll get it wrong.

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

When the blind leadeth the blind, get out of the way.

There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. Just hope it’s not a train.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying.

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do.

If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

Whoever said “Easy as taking candy from a baby” has obviously never tried it.

I sleep like a baby every night. I wake up every three or four hours and cry.

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

If you think money can’t buy happiness, you don’t know where to shop.

Money may not buy happiness, but it makes misery easier to live with.

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