Funny Sayings

A collection of Funny Sayings and "Not So Wise" Sayings for you to enjoy.

Also visit our Math Trivia page for arithmetic riddles, geometry riddles, statistics riddles, calculus riddles etc.

• Light a man a fire and you keep him warm for a day. Light a man on fire and you keep him warm for the rest of his life.

• Teach a man to fish and you’ll feed him for the rest of his life. Teach a man to phish and he’ll clean out your bank account.

• Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile away and you’ll have their shoes.

• Nobody is perfect
  I am a nobody.
  Therefore, I am perfect.

• We never see ourselves as the world sees us because love is blind.

• When life gives you lemons, you’d better wait for it to give you some sugar first or else you’ll have some really nasty-tasting lemonade.

• Optimists think the glass is half full. Pessimists think the glass is half empty. Realists know that someone will have to wash the glass.

• If life is a box of chocolates, death must be a peanut allergy.

• When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you’re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for. Unless it’s death by meteor.

• If life is a bowl of cherries, why am I stuck with the pits?

• Never forget a friend, especially those who owe you.

• Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.

• The 50-50-90 rule – Any time you have a 50:50 chance of getting something right, there is a 90% chance you’ll get it wrong.

• You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

• When the blind leadeth the blind, get out of the way.

• There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. Just hope it’s not a train.

• Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying.

• Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do.

• If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.

• Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

• Whoever said “Easy as taking candy from a baby” has obviously never tried it.

• I sleep like a baby every night. I wake up every three or four hours and cry.

• If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

• If you think money can’t buy happiness, you don’t know where to shop.

• Money may not buy happiness, but it makes misery easier to live with.

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