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Funny Sayings

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A collection of Funny Sayings and "Not So Wise" Sayings for you to enjoy.

Also visit our Math Trivia page for arithmetic riddles, geometry riddles, statistics riddles, calculus riddles etc.

  • Light a man a fire and you keep him warm for a day. Light a man on fire and you keep him warm for the rest of his life.
  • Teach a man to fish and you’ll feed him for the rest of his life. Teach a man to phish and he’ll clean out your bank account.
  • Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile away and you’ll have their shoes.
  • Nobody is perfect
    I am a nobody.
    Therefore, I am perfect.
  • We never see ourselves as the world sees us because love is blind.
  • When life gives you lemons, you’d better wait for it to give you some sugar first or else you’ll have some really nasty-tasting lemonade.
  • Optimists think the glass is half full. Pessimists think the glass is half empty. Realists know that someone will have to wash the glass.
  • If life is a box of chocolates, death must be a peanut allergy.
  • When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you’re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for. Unless it’s death by meteor.
  • If life is a bowl of cherries, why am I stuck with the pits?
  • Never forget a friend, especially those who owe you.
  • Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.
  • The 50-50-90 rule – Any time you have a 50:50 chance of getting something right, there is a 90% chance you’ll get it wrong.
  • You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
  • When the blind leadeth the blind, get out of the way.
  • There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. Just hope it’s not a train.
  • Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying.
  • Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do.
  • If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.
  • Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.
  • Whoever said “Easy as taking candy from a baby” has obviously never tried it.
  • I sleep like a baby every night. I wake up every three or four hours and cry.
  • If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
  • If you think money can’t buy happiness, you don’t know where to shop.
  • Money may not buy happiness, but it makes misery easier to live with.

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