Statistics Math Quotes

A collection of favorite funny statistics math quotes and one-liners from all over.

Statistics

"42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot." -- Steven Wright

"Five out of four people have trouble with fractions." -- Steven Wright

"Statistics means never having to say you're certain."

"How many pizzas are consumed each year in the United States? How many words have you spoken in your life? How many different peoples names appear in the New York Times each year? How many watermelons would fit inside the U.S. Capitol building? What is the volume of all the human blood in the world? -- John A. Paulos

“A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say that on the average he feels fine.”

"Statistics are no substitute for judgment." -- Henry Clay

"Statistics: the mathematical theory of ignorance." -- Morris Kline

"You can not feed the hungry on statistics." -- Heinrich Heine

"In earlier times, they had no statistics, and so they had to fall back on lies". -- Stephen Leacock

"97.3% of all statistics are made up."

"Are statisticians normal or are they transformable?"

"Smoking is a leading cause of statistics."

"43% of all statistics are worthless."

"3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population."

"Death is 99 per cent fatal to laboratory rats."

"A statistician is a person who draws a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion."

"80% of all statistics quoted to prove a point are made up on the spot."

"Fett's Law: Never replicate a successful experiment."

'If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will."

"Statistically speaking, in China, even if you are a one in a million kind of guy, there are a thousand more just like you."

"Did you know that 87.166253% of all statistics claim a precision of results that is not justified by the method employed?"

"It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest."

"Statistics is the art of never having to say you're wrong. Variance is what any two statisticians are at." - C.J.Bradfield

"A statistician is a person who draws a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion."

"A statistician drowned while crossing a stream that was, on average, 6 inches deep."

"Most people use statistics the way a drunk uses a lamp post, more for support than enlightenment."

"Figures don't lie, but liars figure." - Samuel Clemens (alias Mark Twain)

"The weather man is never wrong. Suppose he says that there's an 80% chance of rain. If it rains, the 80% chance came up; if it doesn't, the 20% chance came up!" - Saul Barron

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