Why did the dentist need to know math?
Because they may need to do a square root canal.
What do you get if you add two apples and three apples?
A high school math problem!
Why did the amoeba flunk the math test?
Because it multiplied by dividing.
What makes arithmetic hard work?
All those numerals you have to carry.
What are ten things you can always count on?
Why are misers good math teachers?
They know how to make every penny count.
What kind of pliers do you use in arithmetic?
What do you call three feet of trash?
A junk yard. (3 feet = 1 yard)
Why did the man sleep with a ruler?
To see how long he could sleep.
How does a cow add?
With a cow-culator.
What is a forum?
Twoum + twoum.
Why did the boy’s mother sew him 3 socks?
Because he said he grew another foot.
How do you make seven even?
Remove the “S”.
What happens when you cross a friend and a calculator?
You get a friend you can count on.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Where do mathematicians go shopping?
At the deci-mall
Why did the math class not have desks?
Because they had time-tables.
What happened to the plant in the math class?
It grew square roots.
How do you get straight A’s?
By using a ruler.
Why is the meter stick such a stubborn ruler?
Because he won’t give an inch.
What will happen to the inch worm when we go to metric?
He’ll become a centipede.
How do you make the number one disappear?
Add the letter ‘g’ and make it gone.
What keeps a square from moving?
Its square roots.
What kind of insect is good at math?
Why did the student wear glasses in math class?
Because it helps to improve di-vision.
What is (108 minus twelve times nine) plus (18 minus nine times two) plus (49 minus seven times seven) plus (144 minus twelve times twelve) plus (121 minus eleven times eleven) plus (64 minus sixteen times four)?
A lot of work for nothing.
If one’s not enough, two’s company and three’s a crowd, what’s four and five?
Peter had twelve ear buds in front of him. He took one away. Now he had nine in front of him. How is this possible?
The remaining buds were arranged to form the figure of 9
How can you add eight 8’s to get the number 1,000? (only using addition)
888 +88 +8 +8 +8 = 1,000
How is simplifying fractions like powdering your nose?
You improve the appearance without changing the value
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